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16 November 2009 @ 04:11 pm

my last post was I wanted to be a doctor. right now I think I should go see one..

ugh.

I haven't been feeling well lately. anxiety..I think spurred a bit by the approach of winter... but other things. I'm not really sure. dreams are intense, eating habits are weird, ................ who knows.

it's monday again. cheers to another week at the dpc.

the christmas ornaments have started. I already have one completed last night! Maybe will post pictures. =]

Current Mood:

discontent

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06 October 2009 @ 08:47 pm

I think I want to be a doctor.

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25 September 2009 @ 09:16 am

I signed the lease on my office yesterday!!!

Thank you, Universe, for my office space for massage and Reiki.

Thank you, Universe, for helping me make this space peaceful and useful.

Thank you Universe, for the clients I see in the evenings and weekends at my office.

Thank you Universe, for my full time job and my raise and Dramatic Publishing

Thank you, Universe, for helping me stay balanced and healthy

Thank you, Universe, for not having cravings for junk food

Thank you, Universe, for having time and energy to do my exercise

Thank you, Universe, for my perfect weight of 130

Thank you, Universe, for sending more saxophone students

Thank you, Universe, for the unexpected money I have received.

Thank you Universe, for my wonderful relationship with Seth.

Thank you Universe, for the happiness and peace I feel in my life.

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13 September 2009 @ 09:56 pm

When you wait for someone for a few mins, it's
consideration, when you wait for a few hours,
it's trust, when you wait for a few years it's
friendship, when you wait even when you know
she wont be back, it's Love.

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26 August 2009 @ 08:56 am

Rain rain rain rain rain rain rain rain

Good sleeping weather.

I went riding yesterday. It was fantastic. I feel like this place, this barn, will really allow me to push my skills. The trainer is awesome, their horses are awesome, I know some of the girls there, I just really feel like this is the place. =]

Now that I'm unwinding a bit, I actually have a chance to be more creative, and I feel so much better.

Current Mood:

cheerful

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17 August 2009 @ 01:24 pm

I am very tired today.

I miss you.

Current Mood:

gloomy

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08 August 2009 @ 12:39 pm

I lost 8 lbs in the past 9 days. Cool.

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05 August 2009 @ 02:12 pm

Stupid fucking Soma. I so hate them right now. Technically, I didn't graduate because I didn't pay 75 dollars of something that they never told me and sounded like "I should have known about it" when it was never outlined in any contracts. So that's why I haven't gotten my transcripts yet, because my status is incomplete. When were they planning on telling me this? At the graduation ceremony? I'm so fucking pissed off. Since when are lender fees deducted from my account at Soma??

Whatever. If this girl ever calls me back maybe I'll fucking see it in writing. Because I need more stress right now. Really? Come on. I'm at work, I am backing out of school, the horse I'm taking care of is sick, I don't know if I was even considered for valedictorian if I didn't technically graduate, I have to do a bunch of shit before my party on friday, I have to get stuff planned for the wedding, trying to see my friends but who knows when that will happen, have to take pam's car to the shop tonight, I have had too much to eat today already and it's only 2 o clock, I feel sick to my stomach with nerves and stress and not knowing what is going on.

fuck this. I want to go for a run. but wait, oh, I don't have time.

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29 July 2009 @ 02:10 pm

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk

Mood swings?

I don't feel very good, very happy, whatever right now. I don't really have any reason for it, things just feel off.

I didn't get valedictorian at Soma.
I got to ride yesterday, for about 15 minutes, and spent the rest of the time bullshitting with my friend to get her ass in gear... from 1 until 7:45
I'm frustrated with work, somewhat
I don't want to go to this stupid chicago thing on friday
I don't want to be by myself right now.

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25 July 2009 @ 11:57 am

I'm pissed, and I don't care!

fail.

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23 July 2009 @ 10:17 pm

fast.

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19 July 2009 @ 09:20 pm

All I have to say is, that is my horse.

I graduated last week
I want my life to calm down
I want to sleep
I have work tomorrow

I don't know what else. My cousin's graduation party today was fun. It was good to see the family, I really haven't seen them in a long time. Leah's wedding is less than a month away... hard to believe. I still have to buy shoes. (darn)

I feel good. A little cranky, but alright I guess. Actually I'm kind of pissed. I'll get over it. I have to remember to get a card for Seth's mom's bday tomorrow. I wish I had a little more money right now. That would be helpful.

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06 July 2009 @ 05:58 pm

Frozen strawberries+frozen blackberries+microwave = excellent snack

I'm teaching myself flute! Fun, fun.

I have 4 days of school left.

I've been doing the horses for almost a a month now. Raking in the dough, but who knows when I ever get it. In working with the horses, I've come to realize just how much I miss that aspect of my life. Kung fu overtook it about 4 years ago and I never made it my business to go back. I think that is where I want to be though.

My friend has a few horses, 8 or 9, and most of them are pretty awesome. But she's had this one mare that she bred, and has had since she was born, and that I have wanted since she was born. I'm becoming more and more convinced that she is my horse. So I will be going out to visit and play with her more often. Cristin said that was fine, and that I could take her. :)

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12 June 2009 @ 04:43 pm

Ahhhhhhh. Here I am again, up to my ears in tasks.....

I have an hour and 15 minutes before I have to go take care of pam's horses. pam is in pretty bad shape, and I think there is more wrong than she is even aware of. Anyway, I'm tired. The last week or so has been stressful with my competency testing (which I passed with flying colors), getting enough rest, fighting hormones, going out in the middle of the week and now being responsible for horses. I have events and appointments booked solid for the next 48 hours it seems, and then the week starts over again.

I am positively convinced that if you smile, and be happy, good things will be on the way. I should practice this more. :)

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01 June 2009 @ 08:40 am

Oh, my leg hurts. and my lower back a little. More my leg, only when I sit and compress my piriformis muscle, it sends dull-achey-annoying pain down my leg. argh.

Otherwise things are good. I went on a 13 mile bike ride yesterday and 8 miles on Saturday. Yesterday I finally bought a stability ball and resistance tubes. Changes are coming, in many different areas of my life, pretty much within the next week.

Starting today, I no longer have physical therapy. I no longer have to take 2.5 hour lunches at work, and I can get more done at my job, not to mention the expense of the medical tx. In addition, I start the tai chi class today at 6:30 instead of kungfu at 4:30... not sure how long I will keep this schedule- I may switch back to 5:30 class. We'll see. I haven't been in tai chi in a while. Anyway, having class later will enable me to work longer and get more done as well as put in more hours.. because starting at the end of this month I have my first car payment of the next 5 years. heh. insurance too.

I rested well last night, but also didn't wake up until 8:15 (oops) and actually, so did my mother. So we made it to work by 8:33.. hahaha.

I really have to study. I'll be screwed if I don't. I'm stressed about the tests, but not stressed enough because I haven't actually started pushing myself to study hard yet..

I ate too much yesterday, I think, and Saturday, and from Saturday at 146.5 now I'm back at 150. I'm hoping it's just water weight.. it's not like I haven't been exercising. I have to cut back on sugar (ice cream, soda, candy, cookies.. etc) I've successfully cut out coffee. I really want coffee, especially this morning, but I'm going to make some (unfortunately decaf) green tea in a bit here.

I'm going to get back to work here and make a list of the stuff I have to do today.

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29 May 2009 @ 07:05 pm

With regards to the last post...

I need to do more meditation.

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27 May 2009 @ 08:34 pm

It's the thought that counts

I was reading some posts in healthyus and I had a realization, even though I have had this before I just happen to be at my journal:

I don't want to be weird about eating anymore. I don't want to obsess over it, or over the way I look. I don't want to not eat enough (like today but I haven't been hungry) and I don't want to eat too much either. But all in all, I will digest, food will go through my body, it will leave, and everything will be fine. I like to exercise and be active and I am healthy and I am happy about it.

I'm extremely stressed out right now. This insecurity that I don't really know how to deal with. I perhaps I am too sensitive or moody...

I want to be confident with:

my body
eating habits
money
driving
exercise routine
my relationships (parents, friends, boyfriend, family)
improvisation/saxophone performance
massage protocols
working
getting another job in massage
my direction in life?
my decisions about kung fu

I feel confused right now. I think I'm just overwhelmed with school ending, all the drama at kungfu is really pushing me over the edge. I'm very frustrated with what we are doing in class and the bizarre ways John has been acting... I used to love going to class and leave happy. Now I leave annoyed, frustrated, confused, angry, anxious... I liked the way things were.

I have to do all of the decorations for my cousin's wedding shower that is coming up in a few weeks. I really need to focus on that and figure something out. I have no idea where to start, because I've never done anything with a wedding shower before. Or party decorations. Hahah. Just another thing adding to my stress. I will feel good about it when I'm done.

I think it's time to re-read my Secret book again. Brent still has my Ask and it is Given, which I prefer to the Secret but I suppose thats not the point. Speaking of Brent, as of the biopsy last week he is officially cancer-free. :)

Okay. Now that I'm getting to the end of this post I am feeling better and ready to keep feeling better for the rest of this week, and by then, hopefully I will have forgotten about what I was feeling crappy about.

I hope everyone who potentially is reading this is doing well.

Current Mood:

contemplative

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27 May 2009 @ 09:25 am

I don't like this.
it sucks.

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26 May 2009 @ 08:42 am

I drank an entire bottle (minus one glass) of red wine last night.

Current Mood:

impressed

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24 May 2009 @ 11:57 pm

It's midnight. I'm at home. I don't want to be here, but everything will be fine.

Current Mood:

tired

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